This Summer

This summer

This summer was complicated.
“I love you mommy” She says as she twirls around on the ottoman in her tutu.
This summer they found three new tumours.
She runs to the toy box and grabs two dolls.
This summer I lost myself.
“Lets play dollies mommy” she says with an excited look on her face.
This summer they made a mask of my head.
“Yours is this girl mommy” She says as she hands me a doll with blue hair.

This summer was unpredictable.
“Your the bad girl and I’m the good girl” She declares.
This summer they radiated my brain.
“Ahhhh” she squeals as I move my doll towards hers.
This summer I slept away the days.
“Catch me mommy” she says as she runs around the room, doll in hand.
This summer I lost my hair.
It takes enormous effort but I get up off the floor and chase her.

This summer I was exposed.
She laughs and rolls on the floor as I tickle her with my feet.
This summer I lost my freedom.
She stands up and gives me her doll.
This summer was disheartening.
She lies back down and says “again, again”
This summer I forgot to dream.
I laugh and tickle her with my foot again.
This summer I forgot to hope.
“Mommy lets play dollies again” she says grabbing her doll from my hand.

13 replies »

  1. Anna, I was thinking of you and wondering how you are feeling do I came to visit your blog. What a heartbreaking post. Many of us think of you and send love from afar. Xo

  2. My thoughts and prayers are with you! And your family!
    Your blog is heartfelt and honest. I can relate to some of it recently going through lung cancer surgery and various treatments. It is not always the cancer but treatment complications that are so debilitating. You are a hero to me and every day you live, every blog you write is a victory! By the way, I went to school with Dennis..Faith, family and friends make a difference. Hugs to you Anna!

  3. Anna,
    Gentle hugs. You are a passionate and beautiful woman, regardless of what this unwelcome intruder has taken from you this summer.
    Peace. Love. Hope. From a kindred spirit battling the same beast in South Africa.
    X

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