I am sitting under an awning in my backyard listening to the soft sound of rain falling on canvas. Resting at the edge of my consciousness is an awareness that this time last year I rarely left the house. The energy it took to get through the day made it challenging to take pleasure in even the smallest of things. Every ounce of my being was focused on getting through the day. On surviving.
A six month break from chemo has given me the space to live. Now that my body is no longer fighting against the onslaught of toxic chemicals I can enjoy my life, my children, my friends and my family. Last year I was just surviving. Sitting here in the cool rain I am keenly aware of what that means. I am aware that there is a big difference between surviving and living. Until cancer entered my life I assumed that they were one and the same. They are not. Surviving is NOT living.
This is living.
In this moment of time.
In the the quiet of my backyard.
I am content.
I am happy.
I am living.